It’s Spring here. I think. The calendar says it is Spring. But the view from my window argues loudly that it is in fact not Spring.
A week ago, the flowers were coming up. The birds were singing. I hung my coat in the closet and put a cardigan on in it’s place. I traded clunky winter boots for my ballet flats – without socks. There was a sense of hope. Like nature was ready to burst from it’s hibernation in song at any moment. I envisioned a Disney-esque morning where the neighbourhood would break into a song and dance number, while the birds and woodland animals joined in with their own choreography. I would swing open my window, and have a bird land on my hand as we gazed into each other’s eyes and sang of the wondrous Awakening.
And then there was an ice storm. Ballet flats and cardigans were once again put away and heavy boots and coats were replaced. The neighbours silently salted their driveways and scraped their cars. No singing. No dancing.
But wait! We can not keep Spring silent – she awoke once more! Commence song and dance. Notify the animals and birds. Let the Spring Awakening celebration begin again!
No word of a lie, it just snowed. Again. And then more ice. And then more snow. More snow then we had all winter this year actually. This time the neighbours were not silent – but nor were they singing. There was grumbling. Whining.. Asking “why?!” and lots of facebook complaining commenced. Haven’t we finished with this? Can’t we just cut to the Musical?
The song still swelled in my soul – but instead of bursting forth, it was a low rumble. I was cautious to sing aloud in case I awoke Winter once again. I put on my Spring shoes – but with socks. Just in case. I waved to the neighbours, but did not invite them to a choreographed dance routine quite yet. The flowers shook off the snow, but were still debating whether they change into their Spring formal wear or wait a little longer.
This Spring echoes this moment in my life.
I feel the Hope of Beauty – I will move forward. I will live a life of joy and faithful devotion. I’ll shake off the snow of my soul and not look back. Bursting forth with the joy of the Awakening that will cause people to stop and look at what our Creator has done. Others in turn will break into song and dance, and soul Awakening rituals of their own.
And then it snows. I stumble. I veer from the path. I grumble. I shrivel up instead of raising up. My soul cries out “why?”
But here is what Spring is teaching me this year – the snow may come. Even ice. But that does not mean it will forever be winter.
Years ago I read a novel called “The Ten Year Nap” by Meg Wolitzer. The title struck me. It was about a group of women who had devoted their time and lives to their young children. Put their hopes and dreams on hold to deal with diapers and play dates, cooking and cleaning. And suddenly they found their children in school full time, and time on their hands again. And it was as if they awoke from a nap.
To be honest, I didn’t love the novel – but I loved that idea. I have felt like that – like life was on hold for a season. And this is what I must remember, it is just a season.
And the “napping” isn’t just from motherhood. I feel like I have been napping the last few years as I work to start up a business. I am doing something I love, but I am working hard. Long hours. Time with family and friends is not always prioritized. I neglect my quiet time as my mind is too busy yelling to do lists at me. I volunteer less as I work more. I neglect every day tasks as the urgent work takes over. I love my work, but my soul slowly is lulled to sleep once more. The snow starts to cover the flowers once again.
But I am so encouraged by the hope Spring brings. Even if the cold comes and tries to put an end to the Awakening – Spring rebounds. Just like in my life. I take two steps backwards in life and faith, but this does not mean I need to quit and go back to hibernation. It is a season. And this too shall pass. Praise God for that.
I am reminded of the moment in “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe” when Spring starts to appear after perpetual Winter. The White Witch had ruled Narnia making it winter all year long. And it seemed like it would be winter for eternity. But then….
“And soon Edmund noticed that the snow which splashed against them as they rushed through it was much wetter than it had been all last night. At the same time he noticed that he was feeling much less cold. It was also becoming foggy. In fact every minute it grew foggier and warmer. And the sledge was not running nearly as well as it had been running up till now. At first he thought this was because the reindeer were tired, but soon he saw that that couldn’t be the real reason. The sledge jerked, and skidded and kept on jolting as if it had struck against stones. And however the dwarf whipped the poor reindeer the sledge went slower and slower. There also seemed to be a curious noise all round them, but the noise of their driving and jolting and the dwarf’s shouting at the reindeer prevented Edmund from hearing what it was, until suddenly the sledge stuck so fast that it wouldn’t go on at all. When that happened there was a moment’s silence. And in that silence Edmund could at last listen to the other noise properly. A strange, sweet, rustling, chattering noise – and yet not so strange, for he’d heard it before – if only he could remember where! Then all at once he did remember. It was the noise of running water. All round them though out of sight, there were streams, chattering, murmuring, bubbling, splashing and even (in the distance) roaring. And his heart gave a great leap (though he hardly knew why) when he realized that the frost was over. And much nearer there was a drip-drip-drip from the branches of all the trees. And then, as he looked at one tree he saw a great load of snow slide off it and for the first time since he had entered Narnia he saw the dark green of a fir tree.” (C.S Lewis)
The inhabitants of Narnia would have wished winter over before it began. It was harsh. It was burdensome. It was not welcomed.
And if I’m honest, I’ve been feeling this way too. The winter of my soul seems like it will not end. I try to shovel out, but the snow keeps coming. I grumble. I complain. I ask “why?” I get a glimpse of the awakening… and it snows again.
But here is the hope.
Spring always comes. It doesn’t always come when we want it to. When we expect it to. But it comes. When we need it most.
I better brush up on my song and dance routine – this Soul is bubbling up.
“And his heart gave a great leap… when he realized that the frost was over.”
Random Thoughts from Krista 